


Ah, Nope!

by Brynhildr



Series: 40 Days Of Middle Earth [26]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo fainting, Gen, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 09:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14053854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brynhildr/pseuds/Brynhildr
Summary: Bilbo faints a lot.





	Ah, Nope!

"Nope!" Bilbo said and fainted dead away.

"Well, that's not a very good sign for our burglar," Bofur said peering down at the unconscious hobbit.

"Maybe you should have left off the bit about the flesh melting off his bones." Kili nudged Bofur over so he could get a better look at the hobbit.

"Or the bit about incineration," Fili muttered as he passed his uncle a bread roll.

Oin hurried around the table and knelt down next to the hobbit.

"Smelling salts?" He asked as he lifted up an eyelid and poked the hobbit in the shoulder.

"You could use Dwalin's boots," Nori called out. Gandalf huffed at the dwarves' antics before he leaned over the hobbit and spoke a few words. Bilbo suddenly gasped and sat up, looking around the room at the gathered dwarves.

"Drat, it wasn't a dream," he sad and laid back down on the floor.

....

Bilbo was a great walker, as most hobbits are, with strong large feet and a love of nature. He enjoyed morning strolls through the market and little walks to visit neighbors. He loved afternoon hikes into the forest and day long journeys to Buckland.

Bilbo was not, in any sense of the word, a sprinter.

Yes, he had done his fair share of running away from angry matrons suddenly missing cooling pies, or from his odious cousin Lobelia and her group of chattering gossips that liked to disparage his front garden plantings.

So running from Orcs and Wargs, and why those horrible creatures were after them he hoped to find out soon, left him feeling rather faint and out of breath. So when the elves offered them shelter and food, Bilbo was overjoyed.

They sat at long tables waiting for food to be served and Bilbo groaned when he started blinking spots away from his eyes.

"Are Ye alright, Laddie?" Balin asked in concern as the hobbit started to sway in his seat while the serving platters were being brought out by lovely elves.

"Just a bit hungry is all," Bilbo responded before he fell forward and face-planted into a plate of sliced beets. One of the elves rushed forward and helped Balin lay Bilbo down on the floor. Lord Elrond glided over and examined the unconscious Bilbo, gesturing to one of the waiting elves who brought him a bowl of steaming water. Elrond crushed a few fragrant leaves in his hand, scattered them in the bowl of water, and spoke calmly to the hobbit, gently urging him to wake up.

"Oh, goodness," Bilbo groaned. He looked up to see Elrond, Gandalf, Balin, and another auburn headed elf leaning over him. "Did I faint again?" He asked. Everyone just sighed and helped the hobbit back to his feet.

"Just need a bit more food and a good long night of sleep, then I'll be back to normal." Bilbo insisted.

......

Bilbo woke up surrounded by flowers. And bees, giant bees!

He sat up in the green grass and looked around.

"Oh, yes. Beorn's house," he said to himself. He looked over to the giant bees, the ponies, sheep, and very strange dogs and shrugged before lying back down on the grass. Might as well take a nap will he could. He cracked an eye and looked at the giant bees slowly drifting back and forth above his head. 

On second thought, maybe he should move closer to the house.

......

Bilbo had lost count of the days he had been wandering around the Woodland Realm, trying to find an escape route for the dwarves. He had sneaked a bit of food here and there, but was painfully hungry and slightly befuddled add he wandered invisible through the winding halls. He came to a little recessed area in a shadowy hall. He stumbled slightly as he leant against the wall.

"Oh, bother it all," he whispered before he crumpled to the ground. 

He woke up several hours later feeling slightly more rested, but ravenously hungry and snuck off to the kitchens again.

....

Bilbo had faced a dragon. He had watched men and elves and dwarves die. He had been sitting by Thorin's bedside in the healing tents watching amputations and surgeries without batting an eye. He had faced A DRAGON!

So waking up on the cold ground and being told that he fainted because Thorin had woken up was the final straw.

"I faced a DRAGON!" He exclaimed in frustration at a speechless Thorin and Oin. Several other healers and patients turned to look at the noise in surprise.

"I bantered with a dragon, stabbed a warg on the face, and convinced a group of trolls that dwarves were full of parasites-"

"Oi!" Kili hollered indignantly.

"-I've even killed giant spiders! So. Why do I keep fainting?"

"Maybe you are too stressed and not sleeping enough," one of the elven healers mused. "Aren't hobbits supposed to be calm, peaceful beings?"

"Are you eating enough?" Another healer chimed in.

Bilbo just buried his head in his hands while Thorin chuckled at him.

"I'm glad to see everything is processing normally, while I am out of commission." He said softly. 

"I've not got parasites! Get your hands off me!"

Bilbo looked over at Kili failing under the watch of a very serious looking elf.

"Your entire family is nuts," Bilbo said turning about to Thorin.

"Kili was dropped on his head as a child," Thorin joked as he drifted back into sleep.

"No! Do not- stop trying to take my clothes off. I do not have parasites!" 

Bilbo just sat back down in his chair and reopened his book to continue reading.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know guys. My brain is pretty dead right now... I'm not really sure what is going on in this one. I started out writing about Bilbo as a dragon tamer and suddenly it's about him fainting. Brain is now officially done for the day. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
